Edwin Phillips reads an internal Labour memo after UK leader Jeremy Corbyn said he had not promised to wipe out student debt and admitted he was “unaware” of its size.
From: Party headquarters correction department.
To: All impressionable Labour members.
As you will have read in the bourgeois press we did not in fact pledge to wipe out the £11.2 billion student debt for English students.
When our dear leader (Jeremy Corbyn) told that youth magazine NME before the election he would “deal with” the issue, and our manifesto spelt out concrete plans to scrap tuition fees, this merely meant a ‘working party’ would be established to look into the possible policy.
Ignore the fact too that he said: “I don’t see why those that had the historical misfortune to be at university during the £9,000 period should be burdened excessively compared with those that went before or those that come after”.
Attracting the youth vote in the last election was important, despite young people being happily oblivious to the fact the one who must be obeyed is a convinced Eurosceptic and has voted against every single legislation of European integration.
We are aware that Mr Corbyn is known in the Tory media as “the bearded lefty” but we prefer “hirsute hero”.
He was told to make clear on television (which as we all know is controlled by Rupert Murdoch): “We never said we would completely abolish it (student debt) because we were unaware of the size at that time.
“John McDonnell (Shadow Chancellor) has established a working party to look at this policy and we will be making a statement on it in the near future.”
Now what could be clearer than that?
It is typical of our opponents to seize on a working-class commitment such as this.
Jo Johnson, the universities minister, said: “Jeremy Corbyn and his top team made a welter of outlandish promises to young people during the election — including the abolition of student debt — that they are now shamelessly abandoning”.
He’s a Tory so what do you expect?
Mr McDonnell, who we are aware has been dubbed “the undertaker” in the Bourgeois press, made it crystal clear that the proposal to wipe out student debt was an “ambition” rather than a “promise”.
The fact that young people may have seen it as a pledge when they voted has nothing to do with us.
Perhaps the model should be Wales, which is after all the home of our beloved movement.
Any student there who received a maintenance loan over the past six years can get up to £1,500 wiped off the £50,000 debt.
What extreme generosity by our Labour colleagues who thankfully are in charge in Cardiff bay.
There is more, because they have said: “We are also planning to introduce the most generous and progressive system anywhere in the UK for students that will see them receive the equivalent of the National Living Wage during term time while they study from September 2018″.
Disregard that the National Living Wage was introduced by the Tories when they were in coalition with that other middle-class party, the Lib Dems.
So remember, the Momentum is up.
‘One more heave’ and we will be in charge in Westminster, as was correctly stated in the 1980s.
Tomorrow – unhappiness inside the BBC at axing of TV current affairs series ‘Week In, Week Out’.
Also on The Eye, Boyd Clack writes exclusively for us about his depression.